I don’t even know what to say right now. My mom is dying in hospice, and I’m a mess.

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I started karate in March 2017, a year after my mom got diagnosed with multiple myeloma.

Karate has helped me navigate grief, has provided a much-needed outlet for stress and emotional pain, and has helped hone my resilience and focus during an incredibly difficult time in my life.

And now I need that help and outlet more than ever. Recently, my mom was diagnosed with terminal stomach cancer in addition to her advanced multiple myeloma, and she doesn’t have much time.

To be totally honest, the weight of my grief makes it incredibly difficult to stay motivated right now. I often don’t feel like training. Most days I’d rather just lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling. I feel so incredibly lost and overwhelmed.

But what karate has taught me more than anything is the value of pushing through when things get tough.

And so I train anyway. So I keep doing all of those things that help me feel “normal,” that provide an outlet for as well as a distraction from my grief. I keep making my videos, keep making these blog posts, keep pushing through.

I do give myself time to grieve—in between and sometimes during tasks—but I need to get off my butt and do these things in order to aid my healing.

Practising karate—whether I feel like it or not right now—will help me stay strong enough to handle this, and to handle what’s to come. For me and my kids both.

I am so grateful for karate, and feel so incredibly touched by all of the people who have reached out to me and provided support during this difficult time. Thank you for your support, and for reading.